MadCrazyDaft

I think that DrToast.com definately qualifies for a mention on here. Its fairly self-explanatory, but just in case; This is a website dedicated to Toast, featuring Toast News from around the world, your toast questions answered in ‘Ask Dr Toast’; Plus much more.
I particularly enjoyed the section of Toast Haiku’s and may well submit one later. In the meantime, here’s an example:
‘Scrape into the sink
Constellation of black stars
A toast neglected’
Great.

I

 just received an email from my friend Kaza telling the very sad story of Jeff Green from Arizona; who was so upset at the early death of his wife, Lucy, that he brought her body home and encased it in a specially-made glass coffee-table.
What a great story!
Unfortunately, a quick google proved it to be completely false.
To see the photo & read the evidence Click Here
Incidentally, I wonder how long emails like this can continue to circulate? According to Snipes.Com this one’s been doing the rounds since about 1999

I had delivered today what sounded like a brilliant little gadget - A device that you plug your mp3 player into which then transmits the music on an FM frequency so it can be picked up by the car radio. You can also plug your phone into it so your car stereo then becomes a hands-free kit too! Brilliant!
It didn’t work. At All. Its gone back to MyMemory.co.uk.
But at least i had a laugh at the instruction manual. In The Troubleshooting guide it said the following:
‘Q: During phone communication, why suddenly back to music playing status
A: Featuring on humanistic design of the product, when both speaking parties keep silent over 10 seconds to a supposedly arguing condition, the product will return to music-playing mode automatically to ease up the tensional atmosphere and cool down both sides. This product can move back to phone communication mode once either party starts to talk.’
I would have CREATED a “tensional atmosphere” just to see that little feature at in operation!

Another little pearl of a website! This One allows users to post mis-heard lyrics and is well-worth a look.
Here’s a typical example:
‘The real lyrics were:
might as well face it your addicted to love.
But I misheard them as:
might as well face it you a dick with a glove.
The embarassing moment of revelation:
I thought that it was a song about Michael Jackson and I asked a friend if he had heard this song. He had me recite the lyrics. He laughed at me for days.’

Engrish is defined by Wikipedia as ‘a pejorative or humorous slang term which refers to poor-quality attempts by Japanese writers to create English words and phrases’
Of course there is a website dedicated to Engrish featuring loads of funny, badly-translated signs, instructions, products etc etc etc.
Click Here for some of my favourites; Including the following instructions for a mobile phone: ‘Be careful of bad language in this mobile phone, because a partners feeling is going to be bad. Lets keep mobile manners’
Have Fun!

read the full story here
Basically a mayday broadcast was received sparking a huge rescue attempt scouring the coast off Portsmouth for a stricken vessel. The signal was eventually traced to a digibox in someone’s house.
The best part of the story, as usual, was the statement from a spokesman for offcom (the body who regulate broadcasting in the UK) who said:
‘This is a real one off as digital boxes only receive signals. They shouldn’t be sending out signals, let alone maydays’
On a related matter, can anyone tell me why my dvd player is picking up BBC1 even though there’s no tuner in there? …mysteries of the universe…

The Chinese New Year leads to a massive rise in travel in that country, with train companies selling at least twice as many tickets as there are seats available. This means that the travellers must squeeze into any space they can find on the train - In the aisles, in the luggage spaces and even in the toilets.
This presents a problem.
How can you use the toilet if there are 5 commuters in there reading their papers, listening to their i-pods and playing sudoku?
Well obviously you can’t.
It sounds like a nightmare doesn’t it? Don’t worry - every cloud has a silver lining - and this story has a happy ending (or maybe that should be a Nappy Ending) because sales of adult diapers have soared by 50%!! Brilliant.
Incidentally, Im thinking of opening a puncture repair shop in Beijing. According to Katie Melua there are A LOT of bicycles there.
Read the diaper story at foxnews
And thanks to rickygervais for the heads-up

Just in case you didn’t know the Darwin Awards are awarded to people who have ‘benefitted the human gene pool by removing themselves from it’ They are normally awarded posthumously.
Here’s a great story from the Darwin awards website:
(26 May 2004, Wolfsberg, Austria) The manager of an apartment house was surprised to find the legs of a corpse sticking out an apartment window. Police entered the apartment and found the deceased man’s head soaking in a sink full of hot water.
Apparently the out-of-work Austrian had returned home after a night of drinking and drugs. He decided to slip in through the kitchen window. The window was fixed at the base and tilted out, giving him just enough room to squeeze his head through as far as the sink before he got stuck. While flailing around trying to escape, he turned on the hot water tap.
Police were not sure why he had not turned off the water, pulled the plug, or–perhaps most important–entered through the front door, since they found the keys in his pants pocket.

The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States. Here are some examples:
7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson’s son.
6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbour’s hubcaps.
Actually, these aren’t true - They’re urban myths - But for the real scoop on the Stella Awards go to StellaAwards.com

These were gleaned from BettyBookmark.com
They are supposed to be excerpts from Newspaper reports, and I found them really funny, so who cares if they’re real?
(But wouldn’t it be great if they are true?!)
‘Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North Westgas said, ‘We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.’ (The Daily Telegraph)
Police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, ‘This sort of thing is all too common’. (The Times)
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the windspeed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn’t have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)